Why Sunshine over Shadows?


Searching and longing to feel whole.

Finding the joy inside your Soul.

Life’s journey is beautiful and filled with magic.

It’s your job to jump out and grab it.

Being afraid is completely okay.

Just don’t let it keep you from growing day to day.

Your reason should never be your excuse.

But, more of an entrance to discover the real you.

So don’t give up and don’t give in.

Be stronger than the monster within.

”Dig deeper than the shadows burrow”

This poem was inspired by a simple picture as the one you see.

This morning, doing my normal scrolling through social media. I came across this post and it was from a plant farm here locally in Spokane.

I am a huge succulent fan so it grabbed my attention quickly. Seems as if succulents are the only plants outside of a cactus I can keep alive.

In the beginning of my journey to learning about succulents and growing them from babies to medium plants. I lost LOTS of leafs and my toddler like to share them with the pet cat.

So that would sometimes leave me with some naked looking succulents. Of course, I would naturally just throw away the broken pieces. Not even thinking to give the leaf a opportunity to regrow.

Just like any plant! Take the clipping and put it in water. Duh!

But, a little different with succulent. You can literally just leave that little guy out and it will regrow itself! I believe a tad bit of water on the leaf here and there with proper sunlight.

How incredible is this! I mean the thought to me that I was so quick to just give up and throw away an opportunity of regrowth.

I almost felt bad for all leafs I killed. Ha ha.

So, next time you feel like giving up quickly. Rethink what opportunity lies in the problem. I assure you there is most likely more life or option left in what you are given.

Sending positive vibes your way and wish you the best of your weekend.


If it makes you feel better, I flipped off my coffee after it spilt on me this morning. #reallife 💋

Thanks for reading!

When defeat grabs your light


Although defeat stood taller today,

The fight in me goes on.

I know what I am worth and I know that I am strong.

Anxiety can make things scary.

But one thing I know for sure, is that my will to win.

That is one thing that keeps me from giving in.

The dreams I see and the vision I have, is bigger than me.

Anxiety will never be allowed to defeat who I am.

Because, God created me for greatness and its my job to prove I can.

“Be brave in the face of fear” This is something I almost feel like I want tattooed on my body.

This little poem was inspired by my anxiety winning and keeping me from something I had been so excited for.

Almost four weeks ago, I purchased a Rachel Hollis “Made for more” move ticket. I have been raving about this for weeks and ridiculously excited to get pumped up and inspired with wisdom and nuggets of goodness.

If you do not know, one of the triggers I have is, walking in the dark alone. Going to a movie entailed me to have to potentially walk a good distance before I get inside. Which was also a parking garage and a location I rarely go.

Now, I know you are probably wondering why I sit and talk about conquering anxiety and being encouraging about it all.

But, I also know that being real is a characteristic I have shared about myself.

Well, this is some of that honesty. You cant always win. We just aren’t built for that.

Failure is apart of success. That is fact.

Which is why I chalked this up as a lesson and I told myself that, “this is apart of my learning curve.”

Acceptance is so vital when we fail or we end up just beating ourselves up. That shit just does not feel good.

So, my point was that I did not attend the show and I am sad about it. I am sitting with the sadness and accepting it so I can move on.

I know that I was doing what was best for my health and just overall, myself. Which needs to be practiced more. I think we all should practice self-awareness and self-love more often.

Anxiety got me last night and for some reason I feel okay with a little regret but also, happy with the gut choice I made.

Yeah, it just felt right.

Sometimes we just have to follow our gut even if it goes against everything we are wanting to do.

If anxiety or your defeat has got you down, remember that its okay to have bad days. Its okay to get defeated by the shit. Accept it and move on. Do not stay in your defeat. Which is why acceptance, I feel like goes hand in hand with defeat.

We will always face defeat and that is not in our control. But what we can do is, focus on accepting what is and learning what we can from it. This is where the journey to success comes and flows.

Thanks for reading ❤

When we found out…

I can not believe it

My husband and I are adults and neither of us has had this nor ever thought we would be around it. On Halloween night we had family and one of my close friends over for pizza and candy handouts. We got nearly 500 tricker treaters that night, so we needed the help. Plus the company was really nice.

Well that night when bedtime rolled around, Gracie ended up sleeping so bad. We figured overstimulated and just brushed it off. The next day she was tired, cranky and had a little sneeze. Which is pretty common for the fall season and things getting colder. Day two and she wakes up a bit more sneezy and by the evening on day two, we could hear that little bit of raspy in her voice. Only from the stuffed up in her nose but, it was clear as day that she had a cold. Day three she wakes up and the sneeze turned into a stuffy nose followed by fevers. Began alternating Tylenol and Motrin to keep the fever down per normal protocol.

Day four thru day Five she continues to be sick and has fevers. We seriously just treated this as a normal viral cold. Day six and our little girl wakes up with half an eye open. I could see it plain as day in the darkroom when we woke up. I figured some eye crusting from hard nights sleep so I took her to the toilet to pee and looked at her eye. It was all crusted but did not seem to bother her. I took a warm washcloth and had to rub away the crud that had accumulated around her eye and lashes.

It was 7 am and by the time 11 am rolled around my mom came over to visit. She encouraged I call the doctor to be sure it was nothing to worry about. I call and proceed to wait for the call back from the nurse. When they call back we schedule for a 7 pm appointment with her regular pediatrician. By the time 5pm rolled around, both of her eyes were looking the same. We arrive at the doctors and lo and behold it is confirmed, double pink eye. Poor kid. Between the viral cold and the butt play that toddlers do, she got the stink eye. Ha! So we are given an eye drop prescription for the next 7 days. Use the drops 3 times a day. Thank you, Lord for getting us on the same day!

So there you have it, Pink eye the stink eye. I wanted to extend some input on my experience so far.

Prepare for your hands to burn and feel like they are on fire. I have washed my hands easily over 200 times in the last 48 hours. I even have really great soap and hand lotion but, as much as I wash I really do not think it will make any difference. It is bound to make my hands hurt and be bright red. I know how tiring it can be to keep things clean and tidy but, every time they touch something it is at risk of being contaminated. This stuff spread QUICK and EASILY!

In all honesty, do what it takes to NOT get it. All I hear as an adult when you have pink eye is how miserable it is. Not that it is not for a child but, adults have a lot more to be present for then a kid does.
Take the time to wash a million times a day if that is what you need to do! Its worth it. She has used her eye drops only 3 times total and you can already see a dramatic difference.

Have you ever had a Pink eye or had an experience caring for it? What did you do? How did you care for it? Tricks? Remedies? I know a lot of people are into holistic healing so, I figured perhaps someone would shed some light on something we might not know here.

Thanks for reading and be sure to keep those hands clean!

What If we had Two?


So this is a topic we tossed around. Having more than one child is a big choice. We were together for 8 years before we got pregnant with Gracie. It took us 8 months to conceive her. That was a crazy ride. With things like cost of living, wages, and just your daily survival fees. That's what I like to call the "Stuff" we have to buy nowadays. Fees. I feel like we are charged to even use restrooms in some countries. But hey, I get it. Money makes the world go round. That is the truth. Harsh, yet true.

See, when we initially discussed having a baby it was 2014. I mean we had discussed it previously but it was about timing for us. Even then the cost of living was a lot. We were noticing food cost go up, the minimum wage was skyrocketing with the demands in votes for the state of Washington. I mean, I could say I understand why Washington residents wanted a higher pay. But, here we are resulting in a higher cost of living. I mean I could talk about all states and discuss this topic across the nation. However, that is not the Main talk here. I am here to talk the end reason(s) why we came to this way of thinking.

My husband and I are both children of siblings. Yet, we had no utter desire to have more than one baby. The trying alone was tough on us. In many different ways. So, when we had our first initial talk it was the basics of. Let's try! I was ready at that point and I was pushing 30. My anxiety was rising, knowing I am getting older and my egg count is getting lower. Yet Ryan was supportive of my wanting a baby, starting a family and truly seeking motherhood. He was not quite on the same page. But, he knew he was spending forever with me. So if not now, when? We may not have been in the best or most ideal financial position. But, waiting around for the "Perfect Time" just was not realistic. Having a baby was something I was craving from the inside. My heart was just not....full. I mean my love for Ryan runs deep. But I just did not feel complete.

So, during pregnancy, I tumbled into all sorts of things that were not the ideal pregnancy side effects. But I mean, it is pregnancy. Growing a human is anything other than glorious. I mean don't get me wrong, its the coolest and most beautiful thing that I believe happens in the world. But, man is it a miserable load to carry for 9 months. That is my utter truth straight from my mom mouth. I mean, if things were a breeze for you. You're not human in my opinion. I mean, seriously tho. Who walks around with a giant belly and is stoked about it? Oh, I meant, a moving belly. The pregnancy and all the ugly that comes with it. There are those glorious magazine moments of glowing. But, please lord don't let them fool you. The stuff is tough. If you are reading this now and wanting a baby, do it. (Responsibly of course) If you are pregnant, don't let me scare you or make you feel anything other than how you feel. Also, if you already have kids and you are the non-human mom. Email me, we need to chat. Ha Ha, I mean that with the humblest of hearts. But seriously, email me. Along with the pregnancy at thirty weeks I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. I had the pleasure of stabbing my finger three times a day, injecting insulin into my stomach, maintaining a strict diet, and walking up and down 3 flights of stairs 3 times after every meal. Kept my glucose low and kept me somewhat active outside of daily walking. Thankfully I only had that pleasure for 8 weeks. Our little Gracie came at 38.5 weeks.

Outside of the pregnancy ride and all that I was blessed to encounter. We entered Parent-Hood. The glorious days of No sleep, dirty clothes, toy landmines, snot on everything, smelling poop almost everywhere you go, the life of carrying an item that holds urine and poop alongside with some wipes to clean it up. Yeah, we wanted this. We tried for this life. I giggle now. But, in all reality, our house without all those things today. Would be, boring. It is funny how as a Stay at home Mom I say I get bored a lot. Yet, If I didn't have the chaos of motherhood or being a parent. Life would be equally as boring. Just in a different paradigm. Just strange to ponder on. So, while raising Gracie over the last year and a half there have been more things to just help us confirm we made the right choice in the concept of "One and Done."

See, I could get a Full-time Employment job. Where I go and work 9-5 and have a paycheck. However, that would lead us to have someone else raise Gracie. I mean in all reality that is what it is when your littles are left with someone else most of their awake hours. We made the choice while I was pregnant I would stay home and tend to Gracie. We would make the sacrifice with less income so that I could be the main source of influence. Yes, it is a huge sacrifice. we are blessed to even have the option to live on one income. Yet I am yearning to contribute. Living on one Income and the needs of a toddler/child. It is a lot of costs, but also a lot of responsibility. As well as just figuring things out as a first-time parent. Many trials in error moments for us here. That is okay with us tho. We are okay with failing sometimes. Here is what we put into perspective every single time we have hiccups in life. Cost we cant afford, or just, in general, we slide thru by the hair on our chins. Ya know? So, we ask ourselves, "What if we had two?" I mean, that question is heavy enough in moments like that which make it easy as blinking to make the choice we did. Why take from Gracie? I mean yes, I could work and we could work harder or more to make more money. Which then would supply a life for two. However, I come back to who is raising our littles if we are always slaving away to make money for trips we don't have time for because we are to busy working. See that cycle? We do not want any part of it. Which is the end result of why we made our choice with just having Gracie.

It boils down to that one questions every single time we come into a pickle. "What if we had two?"

However.... What will 5 years from now hold?

Too Be continued?.....

Waiting Rooms, the place that is full of…

Google Search Image Waiting Room

So we have all been there sitting in some sort of business waiting room. Maybe sometimes you got lucky and the whole time you had to wait, no one came in. Those are the times you can relax and know that no one is staring at you in some creepy way. You know, the times you look over and either some guy is starring, women is glaring or a child is doing that stalker stare. Ha ha! I mean of course there are glory times when you get the somewhat more normal and mannered individuals. But I mean there are not many of those left. (The combination together anyways) ha ha! Besides what is normal?  I mean that light heartedly, but let’s be real.

So here I am, waiting for my massage and chiropractic adjustment. I have the desk lady that is working, a Physical therapist, a massage therapist in their room, and the chiropractic specialist. Which of course they had clients. So I am the only one sitting in the room but the Office assistant is behind the computer. I can not see her face because the monitor is blocking it. So I’m like, okay I guess we just pretend we aren’t in the same room with anyone and we can just go about our business. So I play on Instagram, Facebook scroll and then do some inner brain thinking of what I’m going to write about. Then I look up and there she is! (The desk gal)  So I share a smile and nod. Weird right? Why do we do that? Moving on from that awkwardness…

I share that mostly because I was giving a visual example of just ONE person you encounter within the business establishment as you wait in the waiting room.

So as I was pondering what to write about I thought, “Waiting rooms are full of…” There arose my idea.

So I collectively gathered some moments in time that I have encountered while sitting in waiting rooms.

Okay, so even as Parents we still get grossed out, or just don’t want to be around another sick kid. Right? Or am I awful and I’m completely alone in that… I mean, I get it! You gotta take your kid with you when you got shit to do. Not much around those type of times. You just have to go and know you gotta take your sick kid around other people. Its okay to feel bad about it and its also okay to do it. I mean you have too right? Now, if you DO NOT have to take them out. Please for the love of God, save us all the germs and keep their little tushies home.

So we already sorta talked about the employees that come and go, the clients that are in and out. Which brings me to the patients that actually end up in those awful uncomfortable waiting room chairs. (most times) We always have to make eye contact and you know there has to be an exchange of a smile. Mostly because I’m a good person and just want a positive vibe around me. So yeah, I walk around smiling at strangers because I would rather do that than be weird by making eye contact and doing nothing. (Picture that for a moment…) Picture making that direct eye contact and just having a blank face. How weird. Isn’t it already uncomfortable enough that we gotta make eye contact. I’m here to get naked and rubbed down, then cracked all over my body. Isn’t that enough pressure! Haha

My face
Listening to these conversations like…

Let’s talk about just one conversation that happens within that waiting room…

Example, Guys sitting next to me with his daughter who is like 14 or so. They are talking about how she got caught naked with her 16-year-old boyfriend. I’m literally sitting right next to these people. So, um… what the hell am I suppose to do? Just sit there. That is exactly what I did. (Laughing so hard right now) Seriously tho, am I suppose to bust in the conversation and really speak that there’s a time and a place for those talks. In all honesty, I get the talk and how being upset is validated FOR SURE! But, wouldn’t you agree there is a better time for that discussion. especially when there is a stranger sitting RIGHT next too you. Need I say more?

Work It
Perhaps this is the purpose behind the smells in a SPORTS establishment… Haha

Smells. Oh man, I know you all know what I’m talking about. My best friend drove me to one of my chiropractic appointments. When we got there, no one was around and it straight up smelled like booty. I mean we were for sure someone was having some dirty sex somewhere. As the Patient comes out of the massage room, we instantly think… Ooooh, they were doing it! Ha Ha. Well, of course, two moms would instantly think that, right? Good lord we need our minds washed and dried. So, we ended up putting into perspective that we were in a SPORTS chiropractic establishment. Yeah, so it was the end of the day and the place smelt like booty because of all the people that were there that day. Once again I am laughing so hard right now.

So those are just a few things I have come encounter with while waiting in the super fun, interesting and fragrance filled rooms.

What have some of your experiences been? If your up for it, please share in the comments below. Thanks!